Jaco Lourens: For those who don’t already know, please tell us about yourself and your connection with the Leather world.
Demetri: I got involved in the Leather community back in the early 90s through a group called the Men of Discipline in New York City. I helped start the chapter in San Francisco, too. But, more recently, I’ve been serving as the Executive Director of Folsom Street Events for the past 11 years, helping to grow the organization and make our events as big and powerful as they can be. I’m married to an amazing man, and we have an adopted son together.
1. Please tell us who got you started in the Leather community and for how long?
Demetri: If it hadn’t been for the Men of Discipline, I probably wouldn’t have been so attracted to the community. Many evenings were spent training and being hosted at The Lure. My involvement has spanned over 20 years now, and it sure does seem like a lot has changed in that time.
2. Which club or bar are you affiliated with and tell us more about the history?
Demetri: I’m not a titleholder so I don’t affiliate with any particular bar or club. As a community leader, I like to make sure that I frequent as many of the bars here in San Francisco as possible. Among my favorites are SF Eagle, Powerhouse, and 440 Castro. There is still a thriving community here, and it’s one of the reasons why I continue to stay involved.
3. Tell us about your charity involvement and goals.
Demetri: Folsom Street Events is a charity. But, on top of that, we donate our net proceeds each year to local and national charities that are doing direct service work – primarily those working in public health, human services, and the arts. Last year, we donated almost $350,000 USD to charity, and over the course of our history, Folsom Street Events has donated over $6.5 million USD to hundreds of charities. It’s one of the primary motivating factors in my job. We all love giving out the charity checks at the end of the year.
4. Tell us about your Leather family.
Demetri: I honestly consider the whole community to be my family. Even though I may not know everyone very well (or at all – yet), I like to think of us as one big, global family. That said, I’m certainly close to some of my former Men of Discipline brothers and there are many folks who frequent the bars with whom I’d consider closer friends.
5. I met you in Chicago, with IML 32, you were one of my judges at the contest, please would you tell us how did you enjoy being a judge, what were your highlight and why should people visit the contest part of the event?
Demetri: Judging was pretty hard for me because I feel like most guys take the contest very seriously (as they should), and everyone has something unique and special to offer. Meeting you was certainly a highlight as I was definitely impressed that South Africa was sending a representative! I’ve been impressed by how our community comes together at events like IML or Folsom Street Fair…or, many of the events that happen all over the world. Our community is stronger when we partake in these events, including contests.
6. If I think Folsom Street Events (San Francisco) I think of you, please would you tell our readers what has made the huge event such a success and what brings people back year after year?
Demetri: There is long and rich history to Folsom Street Fair. It started in 1984 as a small community event called MEGAHOOD. So much has happened in our 30-year history. Honestly, if you’d like to know more about what has led to our successes, I would recommend watching the documentary Folsom Forever by Mike Skiff. He did a fantastic job of summing up what makes San Francisco so special and why this event could only happen here (in the way that it does). At the end of the day, we have an amazing organization of volunteers who make this organization run like clockwork, and our Board of Directors should certainly get more credit for our success.
7. Who is the most influential person in your life and why?
Demetri: Probably my husband and my son at this point. Being a dad is a tremendous source of pride for me, and my husband helps to support me as I make mistakes and try my best to be the best father I can be.
8. In your mind, what does Leather mean to you, and what is the glue that keeps us together?
Demetri: Leather means living honestly and openly. Living proud and supporting one another. I think there is a reason why philanthropy motivates the leather community more than the average LGBT person or person in the general population. We believe that it’s important to come together, stick up for one another, and speak out on behalf of sexual freedom. When we achieve those goals, we are all stronger.
9. South Africa is electing its very first Bootblack title this year, what advice can you give us?
Demetri: Authenticity and passion are the two factors that I always look for in a bootblack. Of course, there is much talent there and so it’s critical to refine your skill as well.
10. If you can be anyone dead or alive (not yourself) who would you be and why?
Demetri: I’m a huge music person, so I’d imagine that the life of Freddie Mercury was quite outrageous and fun – and certainly quite meaningful at the end of the day. I hope he understands how truly influential his life was (and is) on so many LGBT and Leather folks alive today
11. What do you see for the future of Leather in your community and internationally?
Demetri: There has been - and continues to be – so much evolution in our community. Years ago, we were Levi’s, black Leather, and motorcycles. Now, the Leather community is so much more. Fetish has expanded into rubber, uniforms, age and role playing, etc. I think it’s tremendously exciting to see what the future looks like. That said, I do think that our bars and venues are at risk, especially in large urban centers. To me, that means that our job of activating public spaces, like those which take place at street fairs, are all the more important than ever.
12. Tell us what your favorite piece of Leather is and why?
Demetri: My first pair of Leather pants. I got them at Mr. S Leather. And while the waist doesn’t quite fit anymore, there’s no way that I could ever get rid of them; I’d have to find someone to hand them down to. I like the time honored tradition of passing along Leathers.
13. What’s the funniest thing that happened to you in Leather?
Demetri: This would be more rubber than Leather. One of the first times I wore it out in Chicago, I was at a bar and a huge bubble of sweat must have built up along my back. When I turned inadvertently, I swore someone was pissing on me right in the bar. When I realized what had happened, I was pretty embarrassed. But, I also thought it was hilarious.
14. What’s the funniest safe word you ever heard?
Demetri: Barbara Streisand.
15. If you enjoy it, what’s your favorite drink? And design a drink or cocktail that represents you and what would it be called?
Demetri: There is a shot called the Cum Dump (which many people don’t know). It’s mostly Bailey’s with a shot of Fireball in it. It’s actually fun to order it from a bartender or to ask someone if they’d like a Cum Dump.
16. What was the last meal you cooked just for yourself?
Demetri: My husband is a great cook so I’m pretty spoiled at this point. If I cook for myself, it’s usually just heating up something frozen.
17. I have visited San Francisco many times, one of my favorite cities in the world, what five non-touristy things would you show me and why?
Demetri: There are actually some touristy things that are WORTH seeing including Alcatraz (but you have to do the audio tour), Conservatory of Flowers (where I got married) in Golden Gate Park, a walking tour of the Mission or Haight Ashbury (as there’s just so much great history in both neighborhoods), a film at the Castro Theatre, and then Outside Lands which is just a phenomenal music festival.
18. In conclusion, anything you would like to add to this interview for the Leather community around the world?
Demetri: If your travels ever take you to San Francisco, come for our events but stay for all of the other things to do! I feel like we make pretty great hosts. = )
1. For those who don’t already know, please tell us about yourself and what your titles are.
My name is Kj Nichols. It wasn't always Kj. It's the name I chose for myself upon transitioning. It is actually the initials from my birth name as a way to honor my parents and my past while creating my future. After being called Kj since age 19 years old, I sat down with my dad one night at age 29 and we tried figuring out "male" names with the initials Kj. Neither of us liked any. Finally, he looked at me and said, "I like just Kj." It was perfect. I nodded my head and told him that I agreed. My father named me Kj.
I'm proud to represent the Connecticut Leather, Inc. community as Mr. Connecticut Leather 2013, second runner-up at Mid Atlantic 2013 and was blessed as a Top 20 contestant representing the class of 35 at International Mr. Leather 2013.
2. What or who got you started in the Leather community and for how long?
My Leather journey is a very unique one as I began my journey surrounded by Leather dykes and fierce fearless femmes wielding violet wands! The first person to pique my Leather interest was a powerful "born butch" Leatherwoman named Amiee. She wore her gear like a second skin molded to her body. Every step was skillful and deliberate and she oozed this charismatic charm that drew me in like a honey bee. We ended up good friends. You know, like the good good friends you help sand, paint and bolt a St. Andrew's Cross in the spare bedroom when the need arises. Or when living together, the kind of friend whom you can have a "dueling banjo" night as we competed for the loudest play session as we both held separate flogging scenes. I met Amiee when I was 28, I'm 41 now.
When crossing over into the male community, I give credit to my friend Daddy Matt. The kink side of me had been repressed for a while because quite honestly, I had my hands full learning how to respectfully navigate the gay male world as a gay transman. Daddy Matt saw glimpses of the kink and naughtiness when i began to invest myself within the Connecticut community. Over the past four years, his friendship and mentoring made it safe for me to re-explore the kink in me. I keep on telling him that I'm innocent. He's never believed me.
Throughout both realms, my lover of 11-plus years Sean traversed and navigated a very similar path and we have supported each other along the way. He's now on one coast of the US and I'm on the other.
3. Tell us about your Leather family.
For years Sean and Amiee were my Leather family. Amiee was my mentor and Sean was my instigator! Oh the trouble Sean and I would cause (Boston will never be the same for me after an eventful weekend with him!)
As I wrote above, the Connecticut community pulled me out of my shell. The Leather bears who frequented the bear scene that I was hanging with in Connecticut saw me as one of their own. The Leather bears introduced me to the Connecticut Leather scene and this past year, my Leather family has exploded exponentially being in the limelight as a title holder. I now have mentors and friends in so many far off places! The internet and technology are amazing tools to use for staying connected with far reaching family. For example, before running for Ct. Leather, I ended up calling a friend whom I had known for years strictly via social media and talked about his experience as a titleholder. Before IML, I was heading advice from a Daddy in Maryland telling me just to be me. And boy oh boy, AFTER IML? I thank god every day for the technology that allows me to connect daily with my 50 brothers at my fingertips.
The newest branch are two SIRS from Wilton Manors, FL who are becoming important in my life.
I've never had the honor of being collared. I still have hope, and in the meantime I will continue to learn and grow.
4. Who is the most influential person in your life and why?
Most influential, huh? This question is hard for me because the most influential person in my life was also the most damaging person.
My mother taught me about the kind of person that I DO NOT want to be.
I grew up being taught that appearances are what mattered most. If you didn't look, act, talk, walk just like everyone else... If you caused a commotion and drew negative attention towards yourself then you weren't working hard enough. Perfection was the goal. After years of striving for perfection and failing, all I learned was how to effectively fail. It took a while but I finally shifted my focus from perfection to progression. Perfection doesn't even happen in nature and is a myth. PROGRESSION! That was obtainable! One can succeed towards progression. And yes. Sometimes progression is having the courage to pick yourself off of the floor and dusting off your backside and braving it enough to continue forward!
5. In your mind, what’s the biggest misconception of the Trans community?
I think the biggest misconception is also one that a lot of transpersons also share.
There is NO specific roadmap or timeframe on how to "effectively" transition!
Not everyone wants to transition with hormones, or have every medical procedure known to "effectively" transition while others thrive on hormones etc...
Every transperson's life journey is as unique and valid as they are themselves.
Ok, now take out "every transperson's" in the above sentence and replace it with "everyone."
(Everyone's life journey is as unique and valid as they are themselves.)
See? Thinking about it this way makes the trans stuff less exotic.
6. What would you say are the most important strengths to have as a Leather man?
Have honor and earn respect. Be forever ready to learn something new and have heart.
7. What does Leather mean to you?
Once upon a time, Leather was my armor against the world. Being a "freak" of society meant I was more likely to be harassed and bullied. At that time, I wore my gear as protection.
As time progressed, so did my personal definition of Leather. Now, the main meaning of Leather to me is family and community, honor and respect. Of course there is still that element of protection, my Leather family would whoop some buns if someone messed with me. Yet, overall the Leather community's influence on me is focused on encouragement, learning and growth.
Oh and the mind bending good sex. Cannot forget about that!
8. You judged ILSb a little while ago, how was the entire experience and how does the contest differ from IML?
I took on the honor of judging ILSb after some thoughtful consideration.
Last year's controversial issue of ILSb forbidding transmen from competing for International Leather Sir/boy titles, followed by the swift community's disdain and finally the ILSb board's reversal of the decision is still quite fresh in many community member's minds. Some people still feel the sting of the sudden exclusion. Some feel they were forced into inclusion. Ultimately, we are still all reeling from change.
I chose that word purposefully: Change.
Change is learning and people often resist the opportunity to learn because they are ultimately afraid of change. The thing of it is, change will happen whether or not we like it. We ALL have a unique opportunity to learn.
I acknowledged that opportunity and took the honor of judging ILSb to be a part of that opportunity with a very positive intent.
To pass along one of the best piece's of advice I ever received from my father, "It's not the f*** ups that will define you. It's what you do with them!" I am confident that the community will weather this storm and come out stronger on the other side. Not because of any magical powers, but because WE choose to make it so.
IML will always have a place in my heart as a contestant. It is BIG! It's Grandiose! The countless number of men who cruise the host hotel lobby and the vendor-mart will make a Leatherman groan! It's where my Leather family exploded internationally. It's where I found "home" in my brothers' embraces and cheers.
ILSb is a much smaller contest but it is also an incredible, wonderfully intimate contest that boasts an equal amount of Leather heart and brotherhood! I got to spend some quality time hanging out with Leather family whom I haven't seen in ages. I also enjoyed the aspect of being on the other side of the interview table amongst a distinguished panel of judges digging into the minds of the proud men competing to represent the ILSb community for the next year.
The major differences in the competitions is that ILSb is considered a "player's" title and the contestants are required to perform their ideal fantasy on stage which can be surprisingly hot! (boy Gizmo's helped me solidify my affinity to flag gray flannel!)
There is no way that I could compare the two contests and give you a definitive "this one is better" referral. The would be just as pointless as comparing strawberries and blackberries. Both are sweet, sustain the community and need to be in my mouth!
9. You were a contestant, now a judge, what's next for Kj?
Honestly, a lot of my time lately has been concentrated around a particular man whom I affectionately call Mr. Blue Eyes.
I actually met him during my title year but am a little clueless and had no idea that he was hitting on me right while I was in full Leather on the Providence Eagle float before the evening Providence Pride parade in 2013. Luckily, he is a persistent bastard and I found myself sitting across from him in a local restaurant about a year later. Yet once again, my cluelessness reigned supreme. I had no idea I was on a first date until he grabbed and stroked my hand on the table during our meal. He's incredibly sexy, intelligent and wonderfully kinky, yet he is not yet into Leather but supports me on my own Leather journey.
(Notice I said YET! The Higher Powers know that I never imagined that Leather would be this important in my life when I first snapped on a Leather cuff.) I've no doubt that he will come to enjoy and embrace my Leather family as much as I do. He will actually be in Germany during Folsom and I introduced him to my IMP brother, Mr.. Germany Leather Tyrone Rontganger via Facebook. I made sure that I was sending him over to meet Tyrone with his modest amount of gear fully clean and conditioned. I couldn't be there physically, but wanted to make sure that my Leather energy would be close to him on his journey.
As for my personal Leather journey, I will continue to be a part of our community by attending events when I can as long as my bank account allows me to do so. I will still be a part of vivid conversations and will strive to listen to all sides and make informed decisions. I will continue to mentor and be mentored. In short, I will continue to learn and grown in our community. This very evening (September 5th) is the Meet and Greet to this year's Mr. Connecticut Leather 2015 contest and I am beside myself with anticipation to see so many wonderful folks of my local Leather community!
I am also honored to be a part of the speakers panel at the 2014 Trans Out Loud event in NYC sponsored by the Callen-Lorded Community Health Center's Transgender Community Advisory Board discussing dating transmen. I plan on attending in full Leather formals to add my own unique flair to the speakers panel and hope to add kink and Leather relationships to the discussions.
10. What do you see for the future of Leather in your community and internationally?
I'm no longer wearing the legacy Mr. Connecticut Leather sash, but I'm far from walking away from helping the Leather community understand and welcome diversity within its ranks. The easiest way for me to do that is simply being out as a Leather transguy. People fear the unknown. I want to help that by putting a face on a particular issue that can sometimes be challenging. Yet, while I'm concerned with helping foster change, I'm also very adamant about learning the community's past and protocols. I know that I personally challenge people, and we may never see eye to eye. Yet, I try to be very respectful of their position and influence within our community. My community elders fostered the birth of many groups and organizations that have been the backbone of our culture. For this, I personally am forever grateful to them
11. What advice can you give young communities that are embracing people from all backgrounds?
Keep up the good work!
It's really a thankless job because the people you will affect the most will likely be the ones who are too shy, too quiet, too fearful of rejection to step out into our community had it not been for your hard work at welcoming them! This doesn't just pertain to gender outlaws, but also to those into "new" kinks. I once had a friend who identifies as a pup rant to me about how someone told him that his kink as a pup was wrong, that it was just an exuberant version of "boy." Exclusion on any level in the community will be our downfall.
12. Tell us what your favorite piece of Leather is and why?
My most treasured piece are my first set of Leather suspenders. Gorgeous Latigo Leather, wide and thick hardware. Most importantly, they were made for me by Master Harley.
When I was younger, I didn't realize how blessed I was to have an established and talented Leatherwork shop in my tiny New England small town. Back then, I didn't have a lot of money, but I'd find myself drawn to his shop week after week. Walking around touching those cuffs, fingers grazing harnesses, blissfully inhaling the intoxicating scent of Leather that clung to the air. When I finally saved up enough, I immediately went down. He treated me just as royally as if I were buying a full set of formals. Sized me up. Custom fitted them for me. I glorified every time I will make his big burly gray mustache curl up in a smile.
Master Harley's shop is no longer open and I haven't had contact with him in years, yet his professional, sexy, enthusiastic, teasing, and trusting energy courses through those suspenders. Every single time I strap them on I think of how blessed I was to have him as a Leather guide when I was so young.
13. Would you please tell us about your tattoo’s especially the one on your belly?
For years I not only felt I was born in the wrong gender, but I was taught to hate my size. As a kid, I was sent off to fat camp, was teased incessantly about my size by family members, at one point I saw a nutritionist who put me on a 900 calorie diet (less than 1,200 and your body thinks it's starving and actually slows down your metabolism!), and in high school I would eat and then force my finger down my throat.
All of this created an adult version of me that saw myself as unworthy of attention and love.
One day, my friend Amiee tells me that she is getting "Joy" tattooed on her belly. Instantly the words, "I want that!" shot out of my mouth. She wanted it because it was her middle name and her dog's name. I wanted it because I was finally beginning to learn to not hate my body. Before my belly rocker "Joy" tattoo, you'd NEVER see me without my shirt. My "Joy" tattoo taught me to celebrate the things that I used to hate. Now, it's a daily reminder to love myself no matter the size.
Years later, my lover Sean got "Joy" tattooed on HIS tiny belly as a celebration of our years together.
"Joy" still remains my favorite tattoo.
14. What are your favorite hanky colors?
Purple and black plaid flannel.
All on the right.
Red on left (when I'm lucky) or right (when Sean's around).
Is there a hanky for electric play? Maybe I ought to start shoving an extension cord into my left pocket.
15. What’s your favorite drink? And if you could invent a cocktail for the Leather community and what would you call it?
Fave drink? Jameson on the rocks.
A cocktail? I am horrible about mixing cocktails (explains my affinity for Jameson's on the rocks)
16. If you were stranded on an island with only basic needs, which five people would you choose to be stranded with and who would be fed to the hungry sharks first?
First person would be Mr.. Blue Eyes. Obvious reasons. One may not be able to sustain themselves on love alone, but damnit if I am not going to be able to have cable, I definitely want that sexy beast next to me to pass the time away with.
Second person would be Jorge Vieto Jr. That man with his joyous nature and and his talent with ropes would most definitely be a survival plus. (Ok ok, even *I* cannot keep a straight face! Yeah sure... like Jorge's rope skills would be used for "survival")
Third person would be Daddy Matt Kenney assuming that a pallet of Jameson was included as a "basic need." Daddy Matt keeps me balanced. When I am on the verge of freaking out, he pulls me back. When I am too serious, he reminds me to play. He's a great friend and confidant and honestly I see way too little of him as of late. So maybe being stranded on an island with him would give us some needed/overdue quality time!
*Side note* Between daddy Matt and Jorge, I am SURE there would be a sling up in NO time!
Fourth would be Sean Brochin. This man is not only a kinky sexy bugger, but quite honestly he is one of the best cooks I've ever known. He is a proficient gardener and I have literally seen him make a delicious salad out of what I would have identified as weeds. Without him, I would probably eat the wrong mushroom and die within a day.
*Side Note* I would be fighting Sean to be IN previously said sling.
Fifth would be my IML brother Sir Steven Parker. I mean, come on!! who WOULDN'T want to see Sir Steven in just a loincloth?!?
Fed to the Sharks? Probably me. I've a bum ticker already so the electrical impulses of my heart would probably attract them. Unlike Leslie Anderson, sharks scare the ever-lovin-be-jezus outta me!
17. Tell us your favorite song at this moment.
The Blues Brother's version of Sweet Home Chicago.
Every time I listen to it, I cannot help but think of my amazing IML experience.
18. If I had to visit Northampton, Massachusetts for one day, what five places would you show me and why?
Local Burger - best burgers in town and it's all organic.
Michaelson's art gallery - some great art works!
Smith's art gallery -as a comparison in the art collections.
City Hall steps - best people watching/cruising stoop in all the town.
Academy of Music - it's a great old theater, hopefully to watch the Young At Heart Chorus.
19. In conclusion, anything you would like to add to this interview for the Leather community of South Africa?
Thank you for your time an interest in projects such as this one. Every Leatherperson I've met from South Africa has been of a high quality. You're definitely doing something right down there!
By Jaco Lourens
Photos by Rich Stadtmiller
1. For those who don’t already know, please tell us about yourself and your connection with the Leather world.
i am a slave and a bootblack living in Phoenix, AZ with my Master of 13-plus years. i am the resident bootblack at the Anvil Bar. i am the current International Ms Bootblack, 2015.
2. Please tell us who or what event got you started in the Leather community and for how long?
i came under the protection of my Owner back in 2002.
3. Your Leather family, who are they and how do they fit into your life?
my Leather family is pretty small, it is Master and myself! But i consider my Leather community as part of my “extended family.” They have been a big influence in my life as i was finding my way in the world.
4. Boots… Why did you choose to be a bootblack and who is/are your mentors?
That is an interesting story. Master got me into bootblacking to help my get out of my shell. i am not the same person you see today. i was very shy and unsure of myself. She had me compete for Southwest Bootblack 2009 only three months before the contest. i had never publicly bootblack (let alone being on stage)! i am thankful that She did.
Bootblacking grounded in the Leather community, a place where I could my boots - it helped me find myself as a transgender Leatherwoman. It gave me the confidence to be my authentic self. It helped me grow and expand into who i have become today.
Boi Moe, Southwest Bootblack 2008, actually taught me the basics. i didn’t mentor under anyone, i read online forums, asked questions, and watched other bootblacks. i picked up techniques and developed my own skills. i think bootblacking is about self-discovery. Learn the basics, then go out and explore. Find out what makes bootblacking special for you. Maybe it is the sex, or the skills, or serving the community. Find out what works for you and make it your own.
5. I met you at IMsL in 2014 when I was one of the judges, please tell many people who have never attended IMsL/IMsBB contest about it, and what during the busy contest weekend was your high’s and low’s?
The IMsL/IMsBB contest is pretty special to me, i competed for four times. It helped me grow as a person. The IMsL weekend is the hidden gem of the Leather community. A lot of people see it as just a women’s event, but it isn’t. It caters to the entire community, bringing together everyone for a celebration of hot Leather sex and boots! The contest is fun and exciting; with the best women bootblacks, classes with some of the best teachers out there; along with a huge dungeon. The queer happy hour and Seduction burlesque show on Thursday is not to be missed. The uniform party, The pool party, the list goes on and on.
The contest staff is really great about creating a family and sisterhood. You bond very quickly with your contest sisters. Competing in four contests has given me friends from each year. Competing for a contest of this caliber can be emotionally and physically draining. This year i was pretty well prepared, i knew what was coming and knew i could handle it. What i wasn’t prepared for was Saturday night, when i didn’t win - then won the title later that night. Going from deciding if i was going to run again to finding out that i won was overwhelming. i had never felt more emotion at one time than that night. i won’t go into the details; i will leave that for one-on-one conversations over coffee. But let’s just say my high’s and low's happened all at the same time!
6. Since winning your title in International Ms. Bootblack title, can you tell us how your life has been?
It has been so much fun! i have been blessed that Master and i have been able to travel to every event together. We have loved being able to go to different cities witness and celebrate their local communities. Each one is different, but yet we are all the same. We are so looking forward to traveling to Australia soon and be part of the “Down Under” Leather Community!
7. Tell us about the #AskMe project that you have.
i came out and transitioned in the Leather community. i am lucky to have someone in my life who has supported me as i transition, but a lot of people are not as lucky. It can be scary to come out transgender. #AskMe is a way to help people on a one-on-one level. When you wear the pin it shows that you are ally and willing to: #Listen to someone that may have questions their gender. But, also having the respect ones boundaries when they are not willing or ready to talk about their gender; #Learn something about what it means to be transgender, whether it is reading a books, articles or taking a class; and #Advocate for transgender rights in the Leather community and in our larger society. Be an ally.
8. When judging a bootblack contest, what do you look for and what in your mind makes for a successful winner?
i look for the heart of the bootblack. i will ask questions that will allow them to show their passion. It is not all about who does the best shiny boot, but who can show me the determination that it takes to be a bootblack and Leatherperson. It is job interview; i am looking for the best person that will represent that title.
9. Who is the most influential person in your life and why?
That’s an easy one! my Owner, Master Lady Lacee Jae. She has been the biggest influence in my life. i came to Her during a time in my life when i was questioning myself and who i was as a person. She helps, protects, and pushes me to be the best person i can be. She is the most important person in my life.
10. In your mind, do you think bootblacks are getting the attention and respect they deserve yet?
It is getting there! Bootblacking has a shorter history in the Leather community. While bootblacks have been there since the “Dawn of the Leatherman," we were usually in the shadows and back corners blacking our hearts out. Only in the last few years have bootblacks started to be seen as an equal to the wonderful Leatherman and Leatherwomen on stage. i am blessed to be associated with IMsL/IMsBB. The bootblack title is as equal as the International Ms Leather title in every way. It is an honor to represent the IMSL title.
11. South Africa Leather has recently opened their memberships to both male and female members, also members who are trans, what advice can you offer our young community?
Keep it going! It’s great to see the community embracing different gender identities (trans, fluid, etc.) into their local communities. Old gender biases are falling away and we are creating new traditions that fit our time and our lives. Love it!
12. What do you see for the future of Leather in your community and internationally?
i see it growing! We are heading to Austrailia this year. Where there is a strong contingent of Leather folk and bootblacks! i am so excited to meet them. With the advent of online technology, we are actually able to share and experience each other communities. It is great to see.
13. Is there any advice you can give South Africa who will be sending their first bootblack to compete in the near future?
Remember that is more about just bootblacking. Though your technical skills are important. Being a good public speaker is also important. Bootblacks are evolving into educators, ambassadors, and leaders. We a have a louder voice than we've ever had before. Be sure to use it.
14. Besides your favorite pair of boots or title vest, tell us what your favorite piece of Leather is and why.
My Leather-bound bootblack kit, it is my oldest piece of Leather. i have had the box since 1990. i bought it at a yard sale for $10. It held all of my art supplies during college. When i was looking for a bootblack box it was the only choice.
15. What’s the funniest thing that happened to you while blacking someone’s boots?
Oh that is easy, anything that involves my title husband, Bamm-Bamm (IMBB 2015). He made the mistake to get in my chair a few years ago at Southwest Leather. You see, i am slave to my Master, but when i bootblack, i am a top. He mentioned that he hated paddles. i turned to my Master (who is a sadist) and mentioned that he hated paddles... as i handed Her my LARGE Dauber brush. She proceeded to smack his inner thigh (it was his fault for wearing a kilt). Course he wasn’t allowed to get out of the chair - his boots weren’t done!
16. What was the last meal you cooked just for yourself?
i love breakfast. Eggs over easy, sourdough toast, maple-smoked bacon, orange juice and coffee with French vanilla creamer.
17. Someday I will visit Phoenix AZ, what five non-touristy things would you show me and why?
1. Take you to some of our favorite restaurants – We love a great meal and great conversations.
2. Talesin West – It is Frank Lloyd Wright’s school of architecture (I have never gone myself).
3. The Anvil Leather Bar (my home bar) – Gotta do your boots while you are in town.
4. Mystery Castle – A funky castle built by Boyce Luther Gulley for his “princess” daughter May Lou.
5. Hob Nobs Coffee House – Hang out with my Phoenix boys of Leather.
18. In conclusion, anything you would like to add to this interview for the Leather community internationally?
i love my Leather community! Oh, and tip your bootblack!
By Jaco Lourens
1. For those who don’t know you, please tell us about yourself and what your titles are.
First the easy part: As far as titles are concerned, all mine have been given to me as honorary titles.
1999 Man of the Year from National Leather Association International
2007 Lifetime Achievement Award from National Leather Association International
2010 Recipient of the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force Leather Leadership Award
2012 Presidents Award - Pantheon of Leather
Now the hard part: I am a native Texan and have been active in the LGBT community since the early 1970's. I became fascinated with Leather in the late 1970's and stepped into my first Leather bar sometime around 1978. Since that fateful day I have continued on my Leather journey and am a former member of the Dallas Motorcycle Club, Leather Rose Society, National Leather Association, Discipline Corps and a founding member of Inquisition Dallas.
I have written many articles on Leather/BDSM topics and am the author of four books currently in circulation including Family Jewels, a Guide to Male Genitorture and Torment and Soul of a Second Skin-Memoirs of a Gay Christian Leatherman.
I have also directed a few films on Leather/BDSM subjects including Leather, a short film-poem about the gay male Leather experience and Out of the Darkness, the Reality of SM, a documentary on the critical difference between SM and abuse.
Professionally I am a Marketing Specialist and I live in Dallas with my boy/partner of 18 years Patrick and our feline mistress, Elvira.
2.What or who got you started in the Leather community and for how long?
What drew me to Leather was the hyper-masculinity of it. I never considered myself feminine nor was I attracted to feminine men. Leather just pushed all the right buttons for me and once I got involved I fund that I really liked rough sex and SM.
The community, as such, didn't really exist when I came in, but the subsequent AIDS crisis pulled us together and gave us a real sense of purpose. We, in Dallas, started educating our community to the many ways sex could be hot and kinky and still be safer-sex.
3. Which club or bar are you affiliated with and tell us more about the history?
Currently I am a member of NLA: Dallas and Discipline Corps. NLA: Dallas is a pansexual organization with a mission to educate and network Leather/Fetish/BDSMfolk of all sexual orientations and genders.
Discipline Corps is a men-only social and play group whose primary focus is monthly dungeon parties and having a good time!
When I go to a bar it is the Dallas Eagle, our local Leather bar, though I am not officially affiliated with it, the owners, Mark Frasier and Jeffery Payne are close friends of mine.
4. How did you enjoy being one of the judges at IML XXX5 and what were your favorite moments?
Judging at IML was an amazing experience. I was worn out form the long days, but energized by the great men I met during the experience. I knew most of the judges before the contest, though I did make new friends since a couple of the judges were new faces to me. We all bonded immediately and the contestants were all outstanding. The final choice was very hard, since any of the Top 20 could have easily been a wonderful IML.
My favorite moments were getting to meet so many folks from outside the US, and the South African delegation was a particular joy.
5. Tell us about your charity involvement and goals.
As far as charity work I have several. My contributions to my church, Cathedral of Hope, are an ongoing passion of mine. We even have a full pew of Leather folk wearing their colors every Sunday. I also work with Kiva, a micro loan organization that funds small businesses and individuals across the world.
I serve as Chairman of the Board for the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Alliance in Washington, DC and work raising funds to support it and its many programs.
6. Tell us about your Leather family.
My Leather family is small, just me and my boy/partner. My extended Leather family is larger. About 8-10 close friends who I think of as family. Beyond that I have a large circle of friends who I have met at events and contests all over the continent and they too, are like family. I consider them my Leather cousins.
7.Who is the most influential person in your life and why?
I have to say my father. He taught me a lot as far as values and how to treat other people. He was authentic and honest and I try to emulate that. He loved his work and his family. He was intellectually curious and being a scientist, he never stopped learning, and that is something I think I got from him.
8. In your mind, what’s the biggest misconception of the Leather community?
The biggest misconception I see about the Leather community is that we are some sort of homogenous group with a written code of conduct and values. No such thing. We are as varied as the general population, except for our love of kink and Leather. As a whole I have found our community does communicate more than the average vanilla folk, and I attribute that to the fellowship of our organizations and to the need for communication when we play.
9. What would you say are the most important strengths to have as a Leather man?
Honesty, authenticity and a good bull-shit detector.
10.What does Leather mean to you?
I could prattle on about this topic forever but I would sound like I was doing a canned speech for a title contest. In reality, Leather means as many different things as there are people involved in it. Some simply are drawn to the fetish. Leather clothes and gear are sensual, organic and arousing. Some are drawn to the BDSM aspect of it. That was part of my attraction.
Leatherfolk, the energetic and intense encounters that SM play offers. I went into it thinking I would be a "grey Hankie" guy. Only into bondage and light SM but quickly realized that bondage was really not very interesting to me and more hard-core SM was my thing. Changed my hankie to black and never looked back.
11. What do you see for the future of Leather in your community and internationally?
It is in a state of flux. Leather always changes, as sexual pioneers we are on the edges of what is possible physically and sexually and so there will always be something different and new. I see a disturbing trend to try to turn back the clock and relive the glory days of Leather in the 1970's, but surprisingly the people who are trying to do that are predominately straight. They have adopted the Leatherman look as though it was a codified uniform and remind me of "Renfair" folks, donning period costumes and role playing at Leather.
12. What does sexual freedom mean to you?
As someone who came of age in the late 1960's sexual freedom means being able to define my sexuality on my own terms - eing able to enjoy consensual activities with other adults and not have to conform to any rigid rules. I have begun to think of myself more as "Queer" than gay, not because I do not have an affectional orientation toward men, but because I enjoy playing with anyone so long as we click and our goals are the same. Sexual freedom is a basic human right; it is up to us to define it and express it and celebrate it.
13. Whats your view on the huge anti-gay wave that is happening in certain states in America? What do you think people can do to protect their rights and help others retain it?
What you mentioned as the "anti-gay wave" sweeping parts of the country is not a massive display of anti-gay sentiment in my opinion. It is the last gasp of the hard core bigoted right. Their attitudes are dying out. Public opinion polls show most Americans believe in equality for LGBT citizens. What these anti-gay laws are is an attempt by the right to change the framing of the issue from "equality" to "religious freedom" or as I call it the freedom to hate.
All of these attempt have failed and even in far-right leaning states like Arizona. Even there the Governor recognized it's not a religious freedom issue; it is equal rights. The laws are clumsily crafted and over reaching to begin with and would not withstand judicial scrutiny, so I have to believe its just politics and its not working.
14. We all have so many issues we want to highlight, please tell us what cause is close to your heart right now and how are you involved?
The issue closest to my heart is the cause of sexual freedom. I believe sexual freedom is a fundamental human right and as such it needs to be protected and nourished. To that end, I work with the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Alliance, a human rights group with the focus on sexual freedom. In fact, I am chairperson of the board. That's how involved I am and how important it is.
We work to affect policy concerning sex education, freedom of speech, sex workers and gender and sexual inequality. It's a great organization that has made a real difference for our country. Woodhull holds the gender and sexuality seat on the US Human Rights Network, the group which monitors our country's adherence to the UN Declaration of Human Rights.
15. What advice can you give a future titleholder?
Be authentic, approachable and honest. Bull-shitters stick out like sore thumbs. The titleholders I know and admire are all down-to-earth folks who try to use their titles to benefit the community not themselves.
16. Tell us what your favorite piece of Leather is and why?
Other than my hat, my favorite piece of Leather is my flogger. It was made by Janet Heartwood and designed to fit me perfectly. The falls are longer than most folks like, but they balance perfectly with the handle and the flogger becomes an extension of my body when I play. I have several floggers and all were custom made for me. I believe if you invest in quality your toys will live as long as you do.
17. In your own words, can you tell us the difference between BDSM and Leather?
Hard to say. I used to think of them as the same, but apparently there are folk who see a big distinction. Leather does not imply SM, it can simply be a fetish. It is also a different kind of community and that is what sets it apart nowadays. To some folks Leather can only be gay men and BDSM is pansexual. There is another word that is loaded with nuance. Pansexual was a word coined by the Leather community to describe its inclusion of all sexual orientations, but has been co-opted by the straight community to mean "heterosexual" sexual orientation with some lesbians thrown in for spice. If I sound cynical, that's because I have seen this in practice. Play spaces where two women playing together was acceptable if they were playing in ways that the men enjoyed, but men playing together got stares and snide comments.
Personally I don't have problems playing in the newly-defined "pansexual" spaces, I think a Leather person can define their own Leather-space and create a scene wherever it works.
18. Please tell us exactly what is beyond vanilla and what are your favorite activities you indulge in?
I would think anything that goes beyond plain sex would qualify as beyond vanilla. Spankings, role play, bondage, SM all of it moves beyond vanilla for me. My favorite activities are floggings and clothespins and CBT, but most often these are woven into some kind of erotic experience. I think all SM is better with an element of Eros. It doesn't have to be penetrative sex, but without a sexual aspect it has less appeal for me.
19. What’s the funniest safe word that you have heard?
Then comes the safe word. I have heard lots of strange ones from "aardvark" to "Pontiac." Personally, I like this system. I tell my bottom or sub to call me "Sir" as long as he or she is having fun, and to call me "Hardy" if they need to talk. It keeps the communication going and has never failed me.
20. What’s your favorite drink? And if you could invent a cocktail for the Leather community, what would you call it?
Well I stopped drinking in 1986 so my favorite drink is sparkling mineral water. My drink for the community would be just that, mineral water with a chaser of mouthwash, cause I love kissing and detest bad breath!
21. We would love to have you visit South Africa in the future, what classes do you think we could benefit from?
I do a lot of classes, but my favorites are a workshop I call "Putting Sex Back in SM." The pansexual dungeons in the US are notoriously tepid when it comes to palpable eroticism. Many do not allow sexual activities for legal reasons and some just are uncomfortable with sex. This workshop is intended to put that spark of the erotic back into the play in the dungeon and discusses and demonstrates how scenes can become erotic encounters with no "traditional sex" happening.
My "Family Jewels" workshop is always fun, concentrating on CBT and how it can become part of a scene. I explain the use of toys, safety and exploration of various aspects of genitorture.
I have a complete list of classes I present I can provide you.
22. In conclusion, anything you would like to add to this interview for the Leather community of South Africa?
I would add that the leather community in South Africa seems to be vibrant and growing and I encourage you to continue to explore, share what you learn and nurture the next generation of Leatherfolk. To them you will become the "Old Guard" and with that is the heavy responsibility of knowing you are setting an example for future generations. Play hard, play safe, have fun!