Cowboi Jen and Suzanne of Philadelphia, PA are pleased to announce their formal engagement.

From the first date, both knew they had met the woman they were going to marry. 217 steps up in the air among the clouds, with the roar of the crashing waves below Old Barney Lighthouse, Suzanne said yes!

With the blessing of their family and close friends their wedding is planned for  October 1 surrounded by history and patriotism in the City of Brotherly Love.

By Jaco Lourens

1. For those who don’t know you, please tell us about yourself and what your titles are.

First the easy part: As far as titles are concerned, all mine have been given to me as honorary titles.

1999 Man of the Year from National Leather Association International

2007 Lifetime Achievement Award from National Leather Association International

2010 Recipient of the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force Leather Leadership Award

2012 Presidents Award - Pantheon of Leather

Now the hard part: I am a native Texan and have been active in the LGBT community since the early 1970's. I became fascinated with Leather in the late 1970's and stepped into my first Leather bar sometime around 1978. Since that fateful day I have continued on my Leather journey and am a former member of the Dallas Motorcycle Club, Leather Rose Society, National Leather Association, Discipline Corps and a founding member of Inquisition Dallas.

I have written many articles on Leather/BDSM topics and am the author of four books currently in circulation including Family Jewels, a Guide to Male Genitorture and Torment and Soul of a Second Skin-Memoirs of a Gay Christian Leatherman.

I have also directed a few films on Leather/BDSM subjects including Leather, a short film-poem about the gay male Leather experience and Out of the Darkness, the Reality of SM, a documentary on the critical difference between SM and abuse.

Professionally I am a Marketing Specialist and I live in Dallas with my boy/partner of 18 years Patrick and our feline mistress, Elvira.

2.What or who got you started in the Leather community and for how long?

What drew me to Leather was the hyper-masculinity of it. I never considered myself feminine nor was I attracted to feminine men. Leather just pushed all the right buttons for me and once I got involved I fund that I really liked rough sex and SM.

The community, as such, didn't really exist when I came in, but the subsequent AIDS crisis pulled us together and gave us a real sense of purpose. We, in Dallas, started educating our community to the many ways sex could be hot and kinky and still be safer-sex.

3. Which club or bar are you affiliated with and tell us more about the history?

Currently I am a member of NLA: Dallas and Discipline Corps. NLA: Dallas is a pansexual organization with a mission to educate and network Leather/Fetish/BDSMfolk of all sexual orientations and genders.

Discipline Corps is a men-only social and play group whose primary focus is monthly dungeon parties and having a good time!

When I go to a bar it is the Dallas Eagle, our local Leather bar, though I am not officially affiliated with it, the owners, Mark Frasier and Jeffery Payne are close friends of mine.

4. How did you enjoy being one of the judges at IML XXX5 and what were your favorite moments?

Judging at IML was an amazing experience. I was worn out form the long days, but energized by the great men I met during the experience. I knew most of the judges before the contest, though I did make new friends since a couple of the judges were new faces to me. We all bonded immediately and the contestants were all outstanding. The final choice was very hard, since any of the Top 20 could have easily been a wonderful IML.

My favorite moments were getting to meet so many folks from outside the US, and the South African delegation was a particular joy.

5. Tell us about your charity involvement and goals.

As far as charity work I have several. My contributions to my church, Cathedral of Hope, are an ongoing passion of mine. We even have a full pew of Leather folk wearing their colors every Sunday. I also work with Kiva, a micro loan organization that funds small businesses and individuals across the world.

I serve as Chairman of the Board for the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Alliance in Washington, DC and work raising funds to support it and its many programs.

6. Tell us about your Leather family.

My Leather family is small, just me and my boy/partner. My extended Leather family is larger. About 8-10 close friends who I think of as family. Beyond that I have a large circle of friends who I have met at events and contests all over the continent and they too, are like family. I consider them my Leather cousins.

7.Who is the most influential person in your life and why?

I have to say my father. He taught me a lot as far as values and how to treat other people. He was authentic and honest and I try to emulate that. He loved his work and his family. He was intellectually curious and being a scientist, he never stopped learning, and that is something I think I got from him.

8. In your mind, what’s the biggest misconception of the Leather community?

The biggest misconception I see about the Leather community is that we are some sort of homogenous group with a written code of conduct and values. No such thing. We are as varied as the general population, except for our love of kink and Leather. As a whole I have found our community does communicate more than the average vanilla folk, and I attribute that to the fellowship of our organizations and to the need for communication when we play.

9. What would you say are the most important strengths to have as a Leather man?

Honesty, authenticity and a good bull-shit detector.

10.What does Leather mean to you?

I could prattle on about this topic forever but I would sound like I was doing a canned speech for a title contest. In reality, Leather means as many different things as there are people involved in it. Some simply are drawn to the fetish. Leather clothes and gear are sensual, organic and arousing. Some are drawn to the BDSM aspect of it. That was part of my attraction.

Leatherfolk, the energetic and intense encounters that SM play offers. I went into it thinking I would be a "grey Hankie" guy. Only into bondage and light SM but quickly realized that bondage was really not very interesting to me and more hard-core SM was my thing. Changed my hankie to black and never looked back.

11. What do you see for the future of Leather in your community and internationally?

It is in a state of flux. Leather always changes, as sexual pioneers we are on the edges of what is possible physically and sexually and so there will always be something different and new. I see a disturbing trend to try to turn back the clock and relive the glory days of Leather in the 1970's, but surprisingly the people who are trying to do that are predominately straight. They have adopted the Leatherman look as though it was a codified uniform and remind me of "Renfair" folks, donning period costumes and role playing at Leather.

12. What does sexual freedom mean to you?

As someone who came of age in the late 1960's sexual freedom means being able to define my sexuality on my own terms - eing able to enjoy consensual activities with other adults and not have to conform to any rigid rules. I have begun to think of myself more as "Queer" than gay, not because I do not have an affectional orientation toward men, but because I enjoy playing with anyone so long as we click and our goals are the same. Sexual freedom is a basic human right; it is up to us to define it and express it and celebrate it.

13. Whats your view on the huge anti-gay wave that is happening in certain states in America? What do you think people can do to protect their rights and help others retain it?

What you mentioned as the "anti-gay wave" sweeping parts of the country is not a massive display of anti-gay sentiment in my opinion. It is the last gasp of the hard core bigoted right. Their attitudes are dying out. Public opinion polls show most Americans believe in equality for LGBT citizens. What these anti-gay laws are is an attempt by the right to change the framing of the issue from "equality" to "religious freedom" or as I call it the freedom to hate.

All of these attempt have failed and even in far-right leaning states like Arizona. Even there the Governor recognized it's not a religious freedom issue; it is equal rights. The laws are clumsily crafted and over reaching to begin with and would not withstand judicial scrutiny, so I have to believe its just politics and its not working.

14. We all have so many issues we want to highlight, please tell us what cause is close to your heart right now and how are you involved?

The issue closest to my heart is the cause of sexual freedom. I believe sexual freedom is a fundamental human right and as such it needs to be protected and nourished. To that end, I work with the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Alliance, a human rights group with the focus on sexual freedom. In fact, I am chairperson of the board. That's how involved I am and how important it is.

We work to affect policy concerning sex education, freedom of speech, sex workers and gender and sexual inequality. It's a great organization that has made a real difference for our country. Woodhull holds the gender and sexuality seat on the US Human Rights Network, the group which monitors our country's adherence to the UN Declaration of Human Rights.

15. What advice can you give a future titleholder?

Be authentic, approachable and honest. Bull-shitters stick out like sore thumbs. The titleholders I know and admire are all down-to-earth folks who try to use their titles to benefit the community not themselves.

16. Tell us what your favorite piece of Leather is and why?

Other than my hat, my favorite piece of Leather is my flogger. It was made by Janet Heartwood and designed to fit me perfectly. The falls are longer than most folks like, but they balance perfectly with the handle and the flogger becomes an extension of my body when I play. I have several floggers and all were custom made for me. I believe if you invest in quality your toys will live as long as you do.

17. In your own words, can you tell us the difference between BDSM and Leather?

Hard to say. I used to think of them as the same, but apparently there are folk who see a big distinction. Leather does not imply SM, it can simply be a fetish. It is also a different kind of community and that is what sets it apart nowadays. To some folks Leather can only be gay men and BDSM is pansexual. There is another word that is loaded with nuance. Pansexual was a word coined by the Leather community to describe its inclusion of all sexual orientations, but has been co-opted by the straight community to mean "heterosexual" sexual orientation with some lesbians thrown in for spice. If I sound cynical, that's because I have seen this in practice. Play spaces where two women playing together was acceptable if they were playing in ways that the men enjoyed, but men playing together got stares and snide comments.

Personally I don't have problems playing in the newly-defined "pansexual" spaces, I think a Leather person can define their own Leather-space and create a scene wherever it works.

18. Please tell us exactly what is beyond vanilla and what are your favorite activities you indulge in?

I would think anything that goes beyond plain sex would qualify as beyond vanilla. Spankings, role play, bondage, SM all of it moves beyond vanilla for me. My favorite activities are floggings and clothespins and CBT, but most often these are woven into some kind of erotic experience. I think all SM is better with an element of Eros. It doesn't have to be penetrative sex, but without a sexual aspect it has less appeal for me.

19. What’s the funniest safe word that you have heard?

Then comes the safe word. I have heard lots of strange ones from "aardvark" to "Pontiac." Personally, I like this system. I tell my bottom or sub to call me "Sir" as long as he or she is having fun, and to call me "Hardy" if they need to talk. It keeps the communication going and has never failed me.

20. What’s your favorite drink? And if you could invent a cocktail for the Leather community, what would you call it?

Well I stopped drinking in 1986 so my favorite drink is sparkling mineral water. My drink for the community would be just that, mineral water with a chaser of mouthwash, cause I love kissing and detest bad breath!

21. We would love to have you visit South Africa in the future, what classes do you think we could benefit from?

I do a lot of classes, but my favorites are a workshop I call "Putting Sex Back in SM." The pansexual dungeons in the US are notoriously tepid when it comes to palpable eroticism. Many do not allow sexual activities for legal reasons and some just are uncomfortable with sex. This workshop is intended to put that spark of the erotic back into the play in the dungeon and discusses and demonstrates how scenes can become erotic encounters with no "traditional sex" happening.

My "Family Jewels" workshop is always fun, concentrating on CBT and how it can become part of a scene. I explain the use of toys, safety and exploration of various aspects of genitorture.

I have a complete list of classes I present I can provide you.

22. In conclusion, anything you would like to add to this interview for the Leather community of South Africa?

I would add that the leather community in South Africa seems to be vibrant and growing and I encourage you to continue to explore, share what you learn and nurture the next generation of Leatherfolk. To them you will become the "Old Guard" and with that is the heavy responsibility of knowing you are setting an example for future generations. Play hard, play safe, have fun!

By Jaco Lourens

1. For those who don’t already know, please tell us about yourself and your connection with the Leather world.

My name is Mark Holmes, aka Hawgs in the biker community and “Uncle Mark” in much of the Leather community. I graduated from the Air Force Academy in 1975,
flew KC-135 tankers and T-38 supersonic training jets while in the service. I left that in 1981, moved to San Diego and have lived here ever since but for a stint in Los Angeles
from 1991 til 1995 where I moved to live with my partner who worked up there. While there I worked for Harley-Davidson and did roles in Movies, Television and Commercials.
I moved back to San Diego in 1995. I was diagnosed with HIV in 1994 and got an AIDS diagnosis in 1995, given three months to live and I give thanks to all the researchers who
came up with Protease Inhibitors and follow on medications that have allowed me to live yet another 31 years healthy and happy.

2. Please tell us who got you started in the Leather community and for how long?

My first connections with the Leather world started as a biker, I’ve had a motorcycle since my second year at the Academy. When I moved to San Diego I was asked to take over
a Leather shop in a bar here and there began my connections with the Leather community. When the owner moved to another location, I moved my leather shop there and began
to make custom Leather gear. At first I had folks that knew how to make gear and sew work for me then taught myself the trade. I opened a retail store, Hard Labor Leather which at
the time with a couple bars became the social center for Leather in San Diego. I opened yet another shop in another bar and ended up selling it to the chain, The Crypt, and moved
to Los Angeles to be with my partner. We had commuted every weekend for five years back and forth to Phoenix to be together until he was promoted and moved to LA. It was
in the shops and bars that my connection deepened with the community and in 1984 I ran for Mr. San Diego Leather and won the contest and headed to Chicago to IML and
was a finalist at that event where I got to see just how huge the community was. I owned the contest in San Diego until I moved to LA in 1991.

3. Which club or bar are you affiliated with and tell us more about the history?

We are down to one Leather bar here, the Eagle. At one time we had several where I owned and ran the Leather shops. I continue to work for friends as a hobby and keep
up my skills in Leather making.

4. What is it about your motorcycle that you enjoy the most?

What I enjoy about my motorcycle the most is probably is the freedom is gives me to travel the country with my Club, HawgsDawgs, and it’s history. My dad had saved Savings
Bonds up since I was five to give me on my 40th birthday and allowed me to buy it when I worked at the Harley dealer in LA. Rather than go the ‘replace-it-when-it-got-old’ route I’ve
kept it like new and made it my own, I’ve had the engine rebuilt several times and will probably keep it for the rest of my life in honor of my Dad and his memory. It feels like a part
of me. I’ve ridden much newer and faster motorcycles but I feel One with this one wherever I travel. Knock on wood, it’s never stranded me anywhere and I can’t imagine life without it.

5. Tell us about your charity involvement and goals.

My charity involvement has become personal. When I owned the Hard Labor I held many charity events, mostly for AIDS when it wasn’t in the national limelight and we were taking
care of one another when the country seemed indifferent and we had to stand up for ourselves. I currently support AIDS charities within the community but my main support over
the recent years has been for the Wounded Warrior Project and donate to them monthly to help out the men and women who’ve lost limbs and worse serving their country.

6. Tell us about your Leather family.

My Leather family is wide and vast. It includes my Club brothers, local brothers and sisters here in San Diego who often call me “Uncle Mark” and have been true family over
the last 30 years. I’m the last living Mr. Leather here and am honored to be one of the senior members of the community; and while I’ve opened up my life to a lot of other events
and projects, I can truly count on all of them and enjoy serving whenever asked.

7. You used to interrogate people in the SERE Program, tell us what that is, and what the interrogation entailed.

When I was in the service, I had to take a course called SERE (Survival, Evasion, Resistance and Escape) that would aid me in surviving being shot down over enemy territory.
The following year I took a course to teach it and became an instructor. Among other things, the main focus of the training was to simulate being captured and resist giving the
enemy any information that would harm my fellow flyers and comrades. While teaching the course and being an interrogator, I found I not only excelled at getting information but
gave the students the motivation and training on how to resist themselves - that I was most proud of. I learned the power of controlling others in controlled situations and that led
later to skills that I used in Leather scenes. There are many ways of control that do not need brutality but coercion and I enjoyed and enjoy every minute of it.

8. Who is the most influential person in your life and why?

The most influential person in my life had and has to be my father. His lust for life was amazing. He was a POW in World War II for almost three years, in Stalag Luft III, the
infamous prison camp where the escape from it was the story from the movie “The Great Escape” starring Steve McQueen and Sir Richard Attenborough. While my father assisted
in building the tunnel in that famous escape, he was moved to another compound just before the Escape and spent the rest of the war there and freed by General Patton at War’s end.
He finished a 28-year career as a pilot, then worked another 20 years as a health inspector in Florida and then another 20 years volunteering for Children’s Hospital.
He got a Black Belt in Ti Kwan Do at the age of 82, the oldest man on record to be awarded a black belt, would climb rock climbing walls into his late 80s and lived well until
he was 92 when he passed after living with Pancreatic Cancer for two years; when most succumb to it in six months or less. He loved picking up new skills just to do it and even
became a clown at Barnum/Baily circus to entertain the children at the Childrens' Hospital in St. Petersburg. I could not have had a better role model. He was even responsible in
a way for me finding my passion in life, skydiving, when I had told him about doing a Tandem jump and he challenged me, telling me, "that’s not real skydiving until you do it
yourself," and had the chops to be able to say that; he was the pilot of the bomber that got shot down over Germany on a mission that sent him to POW camp. I even owe my life
to skydiving from his experience, as he was told (propaganda) that the Germans would shoot parachutes out of the sky so he waited until he was merely hundreds of feet up to
pull his ripcord and got one swing after line stretch. It amazes me that my existence is owed to merely a second that a second later I would never have been born. Thanks to both
my Dad and my Mom, who at almost 96, is still living well.

9. Please tell us about your hearing loss and how does it affect your daily life?

I went Deaf from CMV which most people have but those with HIV can and often lose their eyesight, hearing, balance and other things due to immune systems that can’t
fight it. It took the eyesight in one eye, most of the hearing in one ear and much of the hearing in the other, as well as put me on canes and finally a wheelchair until I recovered from
HIV and had to learn to see (in 2-D) hear (with hearing aids) and learn to walk again. I have learned the hard way that life is adapting to whatever it throws at you; you can quit or
you can fight and live the best that you can. I have no depth perception yet learned to watch perspective and the size of things approaching and retreating to get a sense of depth
that allows me to drive and function as well as most. Being Deaf has been difficult, but you deal with it and do what you can. I taught myself sign language over two years then took
a couple courses in ASL at the local deaf center and a college course. I live between a hearing and deaf world; with modern technology I can hear well enough in small groups while
anything larger than three or four becomes difficult and many of my friends have learned ASL to help me along when the crowds get too large. It’s an amazing gift, much like mind reading
when you realize you’ve been having an hour-long conversation with someone, remember it as being a ‘voice’ but you’re never spoken a word. I get by. The worst thing was at one
point it started to take away being social as it was so difficult to keep up with conversations but I push as much as I can and try to get the gist of things through non verbal cues
and I’ve recently rejoined more in new things. I thought it was going to keep me from skydiving as when you’re a student you’re on a radio getting instruction on how to fly the
parachute and land and when I did my first one, I couldn’t understand a thing after free-falling for a minute and opening my parachute; the radio just didn’t have the clarity enough to
hear the instruction. I was on my own and had to figure it out and managed to get down the first time without any help. Landing was difficult as well from having no depth perception
and once near the ground I couldn’t really tell if I was two feet up or 10 just before landing. Again, I had to adapt and found I could look to the side, see when I was level with an eight-foot roof and begin to flare at that point and it worked. While most of my first 40 landings were frankly on my ass, I finally figured it out after watching some videos of landings and
manage now to land on my feet like a seagull, most of the time ;)

10. I believe you have appeared on Television and Movies, please tell us more and which was your favorite?

While living in LA I was riding my bike thru Griffith Park and they were filming a movie there, I stopped to watch and got to know a woman who organized a group of bikers to
work on movies. She asked if I’d like to be in a scene there and I enjoyed it. She hooked me up with her group and began working as an extra in a number of movies and TV shows as
a biker, bouncer, bad guy, etc. on shows as diverse as In Living Color, Blossom, Thirty-Something, and a handful of others. I began to network and try to get more roles and ended up
working in a handful of movies, Alien Intruder, Grand Canyon, and others. While on one shoot I was told there was a new pirate movie being made and I should audition and I signed up
and got a call from Steven Speilberg’s office to audition and got the part in Hook as one of the pirates. I had a small speaking role and while a scene where I played the piano in a musical
number didn’t make the cut, it got me in the musician’s union and I still get residual checks from that movie to this day. I think that was my favorite role as I met nearly every star in Hollywood
coming by to see the set and the ship. I got a chance to have lunch one day with Robin Williams while he gave up his break to help escort the friend of one of my pirate buddies who
was dying of AIDS and would not live to see the movie. That was niney 18-hour days that were as much fun as I’ve ever had. I got lucky and got a few commercials, one of which
was a gang of bikers where we got to do some serious stunt driving and ended up joining the Screen Actors’ Guild.

11. In your mind, what does Leather mean to you, and what is the glue that keeps us together?

What does Leather mean to me? More an attitude than the Leather itself. My first foray into Leather was as a biker, then I learned about a whole other Leather world that didn’t involve
motorcycles but BDSM, and took right to it. What I think makes a Leather man has much more to do with the way you carry yourself, your integrity and the way you treat others than what
you wear. I love my boots; but I’m often seen in Converse Chucks which are almost a trademark, they’re the only sport shoes I can wear comfortably due to nerve damage in my feet and I’ll
occasionally break all the ‘rules’ and wear them in my Leather on my bike and get some askance looks from some of the folks that are rigid in their uniforms. That’s fine for them, I frankly don’t
care. I do what I want and when I want, and if I was worried about what others thought of me due to their own rules, I wouldn’t be my own man. That being said, I love to get in full gear and
play too.

12. If you can be anyone dead or alive (not yourself) who would you be and why?

If I could be anyone dead or alive? Probably Carl Sagan. He was a personal hero to me. He saw the world as it is, not what we wished it could be and explained the world in simple
ways that anyone could understand, didn’t put up with bullshit of pseudoscience or religion but knew more about theirs than they did. I have always been a fan of science, and while I was
a history/political science major in College, my interest in science and astronomy keeps me looking toward a bright future.

13. What do you see for the future of Leather in your community and internationally?

The Leather community will always be with us, and while it changes all the time it too will adapt to new things while keeping an eye on it’s history. What was "Old Guard" to the new kids was
new stuff to the post WWII soldiers who gathered, became bikers and became what started our Leather community as we know it today. Watch "The Wild One" sometime then look at both our
Leather community and the biker community and you’ll see where our roots are. The future looks good. Every generation learns from the last and then puts their own touches on theirs, and that
will continue for years to come. Within the gay community, I can say arguably that age makes much less difference in the Leather community, and while agism exists, I remember when I was
25, I  learned much or most of my Leather S/M and admired the most the men in their 50s and even older that knew how to live well while so much of the greater gay community thought
you were dead at 30. AIDS made that true for a generation, in reality and not just metaphorically, and we still recovered from that, but I think we’re well on our way to a healthy Leather future.

14. Tell us what your favorite piece of Leather is and why?

My favorite piece of Leather? Probably the Leather breeches I made for myself. I rarely got the time away from making Leather for other people to make stuff for myself and bought used stuff. This pair was
made from the Leather left over from a big hide which I made some chaps from for someone else, and they said to spare no expense. It’s thick, buttery and smooth and served me well for almost 20
years of riding and going to Leather events. Second place would go to a Langlitz jacket a friend has let me "borrow" now for many years without asking for it back as long as I wear it and ride in it
and the two together, with a high pair of Chippewa boots gets me hard. That speaks for itself :)

15. What’s the funniest thing that happened to you in Leather?

Funniest thing that happened to me in Leather? Probably walking down the street at Folsom with the Rainbow Motorcycle Club (I’m a member of that club too, due to that day) and on a whim sat down
on their portable fire hydrant and had them all turn around and take a piss there on the street. I was laughing my ass off until some fundamentalist decided to ruin the fun and shove a video
camera between their legs to get it to show them back home how depraved we all are. I tossed his camera away and told him to get a life. Trying to show us as we are every day at Folsom is like
straight folks being judged for Mardi Gras. Get a life.

16. What’s the funniest safe word you ever heard?

Without getting too much grief from folks reading this, I rarely use safe words. I know that safe sane and consensual is the rule of the day, but for me personally , if I can’t read enough of someone
I’m playing with well enough to know when to slow or stop, I shouldn’t be doing it all all. That’s just me. I also believe, again, for me, that safe words have little meaning when playing with strangers,
I like playing with people I know and trust that can role-play well enough to make me think that it’s going to go too far without really doing it. That’s what a good mind-fuck is all about and my favorite Leather play. You can have safe words all day and when you’re playing with someone you don’t know they won’t save your life.  Be careful out there.

17. What was the last meal you cooked just for yourself?

Last meal I cooked for myself…. Sorry to say it was microwaved fish sticks and a salad. I usually do better. The Avocado dip was great though.

18. They say ski diving is like sex, how was it for you and what five possessions would you trade for another ski diving jump?

They say skydiving is like sex? Well, I did. I think the quote I made was "skydiving is better than sex." We’re comparing apples and oranges but I’ll definitely say when they’re done well, they’re both intense, fulfilling and an amazing dance and adventure. The surge of adrenaline you get from leaping out of a plane and flying doesn’t go away after a few minutes like an orgasm but carries with you
for most of the day into the evening, maybe that’s just me. Every time I fly I seem to relive it for hours, remembering every instant with incredible clarity even though it only lasts for 60 seconds.
What five possessions would I trade for the next jump? Probably most anything I own but for my motorcycle. I’m much more into adventures than things and while possessions can be be replaced nothing beats 60 seconds in the sky flying like birds or supermen with a few friends doing what humans have dreamed of since humanity began and have only done in groups for a few decades. Try it sometime and let me know, I’d love to jump with you.

19. I would love to visit San Diego, what five non-touristy places would you show me and why?

Non touristy places in San Diego. First of all I would love for you to visit San Diego, Jaco. We’ve known each other online for some 20 years! As for places here that aren’t touristy, I’d say a waterfall  on the way to Julian that most folks never see driving by (when we have rain, which we haven’t had much of lately, but are due a good soaking this winter). Come by the Dropzone and see some of the most fun and happy folks you’ve ever seen who really know how to live hard and well. A little oasis east of San Diego no bigger than a house in the middle of the 115-degree desert where it’s 80, if that.
A winding back road to the little town of Ramona. Twisting through scrub oak and climbing up with an amazing view of the distant ocean, on a clear day. And my front yard, which I’ve made into a private place with an outdoor shaded room, hot tub and fire pit. Great for a cigar, pipe and beer and meeting new friends.

20. In conclusion, anything you would like to add to this interview for the Leather community?

What would I like to add to this interview for the Leather community? Grab life with all your heart. Do amazing things. Regret nothing, even the mistakes. You learn the most from them. And be good to each other. That’s all we have, when you really think of it, is each other. Sort of not charity but giving back. You can add this somewhere in the charity part, was thinking about what a guinea pig I’ve been for AIDS research.

By Jaco Lourens

1. For those who don’t already know, please tell us about yourself and your connection with the Leather world.

I’m a queer futch (femme-butch) Leather woman. I’m married to an amazing man, named Cobi and we are part of an awesome leather family called the House of AndOr. I live and breathe this lifestyle. Leather is at my core.

2. Please tell us who got you started in the Leather community and for how long?

Cobi, my husband, introduced me to the Leather community four years ago.

3. Which club or bar are you affiliated with and tell us more about the history?

I’m affiliate with quite a few! We’re very lucky in San Diego to have a large community with lots of options! I am the president of The Stomping Ground San Diego, San Diego’s first sex-positive community center. We just opened our doors on March 6, 2015. I’ve been a member of Club X, a pansexual BDSM education group, for 4 years which has been around for over 20 years. I’m a San Diego girl of Leather, a member of the Southland Title Sisters and of course my favorite group, the Gang Bang Girls, all of which were started in the last two to three years. I think what I’m most proud of is being a part of the history of amazing Leatherwomen. International Ms Leather is such an honor to have as a title, and as my year continues and I interview past IMsLs, producers and VIPs, I learn more and more about the history of this great legacy.

4. What made you enter your first Leather contest and who was the person that stood by you all the way?

I entered because it looked like a lot of fun! It became much more than that as the contest neared. In preparing for the contest I was required to answer a lot of questions about my part and identity in the community. Self-reflection helped me to know myself and my beliefs better. I learned history and imagined how I might make my community better. Cobi, my husband, stood by me the entire way. As a matter of fact, when he first met me, he told me I’d be IMsL one day. I didn’t even know what that was then!

5. Tell us about your charity involvement and goals for your title year.

My time and energy are spent within the Leather community. So I have become a FIRM believer in keeping the Leather community’s funds within it as well. The Leather Foundation helps many of the groups in San Diego and beyond to grow. It is a parent organization and 501(c)(3) umbrella organization for many Leather groups in the community. My goal this title year is to promote the peer to peer network of mental health awareness and support through the Leather dog tags, the “You are Not alone” campaign. I’ve also begun to work on the 30th Anniversary of IMsL history book. That’s a HUGE undertaking and not an easy task.

6. Also tell us about the “you are not alone” campaign, and how can we get involved or support this cause?

Depression and suicide is a great concern in our community. People who commit suicide usually do so because they feel alone and that needs to not be an option. Our community is typically very supportive of one another. We are everywhere and often come to the aid of community members in need. After seeing so many posts online about people struggling to deal with their feelings, some without resources to get help, I thought there should be some way to connect to one another and offer support. I created Leather dog tags with the phrase “You Are Not Alone” on them as a way for people to “flag” to others that they are open to talking and listening to anyone who may be struggling with feeling alone. Letting people know that there is always someone willing to help them is a start to creating stronger, more positive and mentally healthy communities. Purchasing dog tags for yourself lets people know you are their ally. Purchasing one for someone else reminds them that they are not alone. Each tag that your purchase covers the cost of two more being made. As the network expands, so does the support system. Visit https://squareup.com/market/imsl2015 to get your dog tags!

7. Tell us about your Leather family.

The House of AndOr is such an amazing support system. We started with four of us and now, three and a half years later, there are 10 of us in the family. We have traveled to many different conferences together, we learn together, we play together, have family dinners together but above all, we love together. Half of us are on at least one board within our local leather communities. So the core values of Leather are practiced daily within our family.

8. Who is the most influential person in your life and why?

My grandfather, who I call Papa, is most influential in my life. He is a calm, loving and patient human being. I aspire to be half as great as he was. He put Neil Armstrong on the moon! I have a favorite picture of him sitting at a computer the size of my house, with Neil Armstrong leaning over his shoulder, while my Papa taught him how to use the equipment that he engineered.

9. South Africa woke up at 3 AM every morning when IMsL was broadcasted live, and one of our favorite moments was seeing your fantasy, because of copyrights we could not hear any audio but we all went nuts! Please tell us your inspiration and the thoughts behind the awesome fantasy?

OMG I love hearing this!! SA is so dedicated! My inspiration was of course the Gang Bang Girls (a group that I am a co-founder of) and my love for Disney. As a child I did theater a lot, so I knew I wanted something epic, a little difficult to choreograph and something that was entertaining, funny and reflected my personality. I’ll bring the fantasy video, with music, to SA for you all to see. It really is better with music!

The fantasy was created for my run for the Ms. San Diego title. Although it is usually frowned upon to repeat fantasies, Judy Tallwing McCarthy (a judge for the SD contest and IMsL #1) loved it so much she suggested I do it for IMsL. I had so much positive feedback about it I decided to make some modifications and perfected it for the IMsL stage. Each princess’ song used denoted their part in the bathroom scene. It was choreographed down to every last beat. I even used Cobi as my understudy, so that I could watch it from the audience myself and perfect each movement. We practiced it for seven months!

10. In your mind, what does Leather mean to you, and what is the glue that keeps us together?

Leather to me is the heart and drive to make a subculture succeed. The glue is love. We love each other, we respect each other, and sometimes we even play with each other! I think that a lot of us forget that the reason we came into this community is to radically alter our sex lives. It’s easy to lose sight in that with all the fundraising and bake sales we do.

11. If you can be anyone dead or alive (not yourself) who would you be and why?

I would be Aubry Hepburn. Her life seemed so amazing and rare. A famous movie star, a beautiful and confident woman, but above all, she was diverse.

12. What do you see for the future of Leather in your community and internationally?

In my community I see a great coming together. It’s a large but very segregated community (which is not a bad thing). But there are some who are very serious about making sure there is a community center for all to enjoy and I think that will bring a lot of people together to make sure that succeeds.

Internationally, I think that there will be a lot of cross cultural pollination, if you will. I hear that Leather in Germany is very different than Leather in San Francisco. I enjoy the differences that I experience within and around all the communities I visit; some of which I want to bring home!

13. Tell us what your favorite piece of Leather is and why?

My favorite piece of Leather is a Leather flower that my very vanilla best friend gifted me before I ran for Ms San Diego Leather. She says to me as she hands me the flower, “Good luck with your contest, I know you’ll be the Queen of the Leathers.” I almost died laughing, but I was crying so much as well!

14. What’s the funniest thing that happened to you in Leather?

The night that the GBG’s (Gang Bang Girls) started has to be the funniest. IMsL 2013 Sarha, was at a conference we were all at. She had heard about our long night of gang banging each other (there were four women in total) and seemed interested so the next night we invited her to our room. One of the four of us, Nerissa, was not in the room when the shenanigans began, but immediately jumped in when she arrived. So Nerissa is elbow deep in Sarha, and looks over at me and mouths, “Who is this?” I laughed a little and just picked up her title vest off the back of the chair and held it up for Nerissa to see. The look of panic and embarrassment set in and Nerissa turned fifty shades of red!

15. What’s the funniest safe word you ever heard?

Refrigerator. After hearing it I said, “that’s a good one! As a fat girl it’s my safe base, so that’d be a great safe word!”

16. What’s your favorite drink? And design a drink or cocktail that represents you and what would it be called?

I have been sober for almost two years, so I’ll design a Mocktail: Let’s call it the Dirty MarTina it would be cherry 7-Up (my favorite drink), mint and sugar, shaken and poured into a martini glass (cause they’re pretty)

17. What was the last meal you cooked just for yourself?

Dino-Shaped chicken nuggets and sweet potato fries. It’s my ultimate comfort food.

18. You’re on an airplane and get stranded on an abandoned island with five other people. Who will be doing the cooking, who is your personal massage therapist, who do you push into the water to keep the hungry sharks at bay, who builds a bonfire to attract the ship in the distance and who is in charge of building that raft?

Guy Fieri would be the cook.

Dwayne Johnson (the Rock) is my massage therapist (with happy endings).

Donald Trump will keep the sharks at bay.

Cobi will build the bonfire.

Tom Hanks is building the raft (he has lots of experience).

19. What’s your home town and what five non-touristy things would you show me and why?

My home town is San Diego, one of the most popular vacation destinations in the world, so it’d be hard to show you non-touristy things since it’s a tourist trap! But here goes:

1.   I’d take you to S&M (Sausage and Meat) restaurant- and we’d look up the safe word on their Facebook page for a free sample of any of the special bacons!

2.   Game night with my Leather family- they’re epic, and everyone leaves having had an amazing time

3.   We’d go to a little place I like to call secret beach - a small hidden patch of sand tucked away in the Cays of Coronado. We can bring my dogs and watch them run around like crazy and swim in the water!

4.   Sailing on the Glorietta Bay - and if we can do it on the Duke of Pudding’s boat called Las Palabras, it can be a kinky adventure! once a year he puts on an event called Jello wrestling on the Bay where he builds a platform and blows up a kiddie pool and fills it with Jello, and the competition is to see who can get the ankle bracelets off the other first. Just last weekend he did an event that involved rope on the water, where people were tied to the bow and dangled over the water form the boom. He’s very creative.

5.   I’d have to show you the kink clubs and hotspots! There are only a few, but all are great - so I can’t choose just one.

20. In conclusion, anything you would like to add to this interview for the Leather community globally?

It has been such an amazing year so far, with so many more amazing things to come! If anyone is wanting to run for IMsL, I would say go for it! you don’t need a title to run, and all women of all types are welcome to run as well. No limits on race, gender expression (as long as you’re comfortable with a women’s title), sexual orientation or religion. It was such a great experience for me, and I cherish the memories I have with everyone from my class.